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Entries in Anniversary (2)


A Blind Date…Plus Six


Six years ago today.

I walked into Bosco’s looking for a tall blond man. His on-line pictures (all two of them) were blurry and old, at best. I had prepared myself for a weird, potentially creepy dude. I sat right next to the door and waited. He was late.

About 10 minutes later, a really tall and really thin blonde man came barreling through the door and made a beeline for the bar. He stood a full head amongst  the Nashvillian Bosco beer drinkers. He looked left, he looked right. He looked into the restaurant. I sat right next to the door and watched him with a stupid grin on my face. He finally made eye contact with me and and I smiled. He smiled and coolly walked over to me like he’d been there the whole damn time.

We sat. We spoke. We ordered. I had a portabella salad. He had shrimp and grits that he stirred and stirred and stirred before he finally decided to eat them. I sat with my legs propped up on the booth. He would refer to this as my “S-Shape” for always afterwards. He told me liked the shape of my face.

I grabbed his hands when he mentioned MC Solar. “I like MC Solar TOO!”

Much like this stupid spring, it was cool then too. He walked me to my car and when we were waiting for the light to change, I stepped inside his jacket. What? I was COLD!

At my car, I offered to drive him to his. He accepted. I dropped him off and he turned to me, offered his cheek and said, “Knock me one.”

So I did.



Two years we’ve been married now. Today marks that anniversary.

We got engaged on December 22, 2008. The idea of our lives together then versus now? It looks NOTHING like what it did in my head that blustery night The Candyman got down on one knee on the banks of Cape Fear. In fact, I can’t say for sure exactly what was in my head at all. The only thing The Candyman and I really remember is feeling strange. Very, very strange. And we couldn’t sleep. And there was this very uncomfortable, foreign object on my left hand.

Now the only time I notice my rings is when I’ve left them on while making meat loaf and I get ground turkey all smooshed up inside them. Nice, right?

The strangeness rears its head every now and again. At odd times, like when we’re watching Jeopardy or brushing our teeth, either I or The Candyman will suddenly blurt out “We got married!” or “You’re my WIFE/HUSBAND!” and the other will respond in kind. Some days we still can’t believe it.

Right now I’m trying to think of some awesome, sage advice I can give on marriage, after two whole years.

I got nothing. Seriously. Nothing specific is coming through my head and to my fingers. At all. These words here? They’re just filler.

I can say this: lately, we’ve been watching “Friday Night Lights” on Netflix streaming thanks to a recommendation from my Nashville friends Hal and Kim. Has anyone ever seen this show? Its actually really good. I thought it was a movie with James Vanderbeek (turns out there is a movie, but with Billy Bob Thorton. Vanderbeek was in Varsity Blues.). Anyway, we’re watching the episodes back to back and both The Candyman and I recognize a LOT of similarities in the way we operate as a couple compared to the Friday Night Lights couple, Tami and Eric. We laugh together because they fight the same way we do: he gets huffy, intensely stares and cave-man like, pounds his chest on what will be and what will not be. I get obstinate, head-strong and filled with a feministic rage that smacks of condescending logic. And my voice goes up about 6 octaves in the process. It can through air and eardrums like one of the Henckels knives we got for a wedding present.

But they always come back together and reach a truce, as do me and The Candyman. Sometimes it takes all of 30 seconds for this to happen. Other times, it takes 30 minutes. Sometimes a day or two, but we eventually get there, back to a place of love.


So I was online, looking at clips of Tami and Eric to put up here on the blog and The Candyman comes downstairs and sees what I’m doing and says, “Are you looking for clips of Eric and Tami fighting to celebrate our anniversary on the blog?”

“Yes. Yes, I am.”

“I know you so well.”



So now that I’ve had some time to think over the super-cheesy clips on YouTube (people LOVE them some Eric and Tami!), I’ve come to a place where I think I can find some words about marriage, at least when it comes to us:

  • Marriage is hard work. Totally worth it.
  • We fight over the same things we always did (money, chores), but the fights are less intense and easier to deal with because we practice at managing our emotions. 
  • Our dynamic has changed – he’s now the bread winner and I’m depending on him.It’s a massive undertaking, this shift. I’m sure it’s only the first in many shifts we’ll have in our life together. Managing through them is what it’s all about, right? The best part is knowing that whatever struggle we encounter, we get to do it with the person we love best in the whole, wide world.
  • The sex is better.
  • “Forsaking all others” means a lot more to me now than it did when I made those particular vows. The Candyman comes first. Always.
  • Did I mention the sex was better?

And yes, I’m still going to post the super-cheese Tami and Eric1 video. I don’t care who makes fun of me.

Happy Anniversary, Shuggah! I love you!

1Just for the record, I realize that they are not a real couple.